Training Yourself to Wake Up in the Early Morning & Fajr Prayer

Crossposted on Muslim Matters

Last June, Muslim Matters asked the following poll question: Did you pray fajr this morning? More than 600 people responded, with more than one-third saying they did not.

Truly from the blessings of Allah is that before I became Muslim, several experiences in my childhood served as such beautiful and potent early morning wakeup training. Unbeknowst to me at the time, these habits cultivated early in life would later be utilized for waking up for fajr prayer. Thus, within Islam, I’ve not found much difficulty waking up for the early morning prayer, masha’Allah tabarak’Allah.

Hot chocolate in my pink bunny rabbit bottle

Among my earliest memories of life in upstate New York was of my father grading his students’ exam essay blue books in the early morning hours. My dad would wake up around 2 or 3am to resume the monumental task of grading stacks and stacks of blue books. He would warm up hot water in the kettle on the stove and I would wake up with the whistling of the kettle. Even then, I was somewhat of a light sleeper, I would wake up, crawl out of bed in my footsie pajamas and go join him in the kitchen. While he made himself some tea or coffee, he would make me some hot chocolate and pour it into my beloved pink bunny rabbit bottle. I can’t remember how old I was but I clearly younger than four as I had not yet started kindergarten. I would drink my bottle of hot chocolate and then wander back to my room to sleep until morning.

Find a job that requires you to rise early

Growing up, my siblings and I shared a paper route. I was the youngest and joined my siblings in delivering newspapers when I was 8 or 9 years old in the third grade and continued for another five years until I found a more lucrative and less taxing babysitting job just before high school. Our father would wake us up at 4:30am or earlier every single day, 365 days a year, in winter and summer, spring and fall, during the school year, in any weather no matter how adverse, through snow, blizzards, and rain the newspapers had to be delivered. When all four of us kids worked the route, we had one rest day off every third day but soon it was just my sister Chika and I and so we worked the route daily without breaks except for the occasional summer or winter vacation.

Even after I stopped working the paper route, I often still continued to wake up at 3:30-4:30am to listen to international news on the BBC or Deutsche Welle (DW) or a French broadcast on the local public radio station. I think we find it easy to wake up for worldly matters from work to early morning flights to watching international sporting events because we attach an immediate tangible benefit to that task. Earning money, the thrill of competition, and with airplane flights the pain, hassle, and cost of missing a flight helps ensure we do our best to make the flight on time. For me, the salah is a retreat, precious moments of peace and calming tranquility amidst the storms and stress of daily life. And I fully believe that matters are made easier for me by virtue of the salah and other acts of worship.

Increase in the Fear of Allah

I mentioned this story, a couple weeks ago, here. I remember once shortly after I converted, I stayed up quite late into the night, which was not at all unusual, filled with that new convert zeal and engrossed in reading and learning about my newfound religion. Either I forgot to set my alarm or did not hear it, and I woke up for the first time in a state of complete fear and panic in brightness of the morning. I quickly rushed to make my ablutions so that I could offer my fajr prayer. I prayed hurriedly and then checked the time and to my amazement saw that I had not missed the salah and was still within the timing before sunrise. But I did not feel relieved. I had cried while making my ablutions and while praying and even after I completed the prayer fearful of the consequences of missing a single salah in Islam. Such innocence and hopefully sincerity, one can only look back in silent wonder at that time period so eager, earnest, and blissfully unaware of what lay in store on this journey of submission.

At that time, I remembered a hadith where the companions had overslept for a prayer and they looked upward toward the heavens fearful that destruction might rain down upon them for this singular act of disobedience and I too fearfully looked upward. Thankfully, Allah is Most Merciful and I didn’t miss that salah and Allah has made it easy for me to guard the prayer since then, masha’Allah tabarak’Allah. May we be from amongst those who guard the salah in our lives. Ameen.

Driving or Walking to Fajr in a Mosque

I did not learn to drive until after I became Muslim and among the chief motivating factors pushing me to learn was my desire to attend the mosque for prayer because where I lived, public transportation would not be able to get me to the mosques in the area, especially not for fajr or isha prayer. Soon after I purchased my first car, I think the very next day, I woke up early, googled the directions and was off to begin visiting various mosques for fajr prayer. I loved those quiet early morning drives and loved the feeling of praying in congregation in the mosque listening attentively to the imam recite verses from the Quran. Sometimes, usually on the weekend there would be a short lecture after the salah and soon it became my habit to frequently pray in the mosque especially for fajr and isha prayers.

Even happier was the year I lived within walking distance to a mosque. I would walk in the dark to the salah, often I was the only woman there but occasionally I met some other sisters who would become my dear and expected fajr companions. Now, I still live relatively close to a mosque but it’s become like a man-cave not very welcoming to sisters and so I miss those feelings of praying in congregation. One of the beautiful things about making a commitment to pray in the mosque is that it requires you to organize your day in such a way that you must plan to leave with enough time to reach the mosque before the salah so that you neither delay nor miss the prayer.

Once when I prayed fajr at the Prince George’s Muslim Association (PGMA) in Lanham, Maryland, I was the only woman in the pink musalla, the men were in a separate musalla, and I heard a loud crashing noise. A piece of the ceiling had come down due to heavy rains over the previous few days. I thought about the khushu (humilty and concentration) mentioned concerning some Muslims from the early generations, who would not be distracted from their prayer even as they were afflicted by some harm or the building began to collapse around them. May we increase in our khushu. After the salah, I ventured into the no-woman’s land of the main prayer hall to let someone know about the situation.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Un-Mosqued | Leaving the Mosque Behind

Leaving the Mosque Behind

We are leaving. Leaving what? Leaving Islam for some, leaving the mosque and and sense of greater Muslim community for others, carrying with us the broken and unfulfilled promise of an Islam, which really did elevate the status of women and truly does view women as full active and contributing members of society worthy of respect, dignity, and inclusion. Not that we were ever truly welcomed here by so many of our communities. A victory of sorts. Victory for those asking us to convert out of Islam for challenging the status quo, victory for those who believe women should neither be seen nor heard nor step outside of her home, and victory for those who say Islam is an intolerant and backward faith in need of reform.

The Un-Mosqued

In the film Me and the Mosque by documentary filmmaker Zarqa Nawaz, Dr Aminah Mccloud, a professor of Islamic Studies at DePaul University notes that many Muslims are “un-mosqued.” These are the Muslims (the absent and mostly silent majority)  that have been unable to find or participate in helping to create a mosque space that welcomes and reflects the desire of (not only) Western Muslims, especially but not limited to women, to have a real voice and equitable space (and other) consideration within Muslim communities, near and far. For many reasons, mosque attendance has become associated with multiple levels of pain and anguish so much so that many have given up on their communities and have become un-mosqued. At the recent Muslim Public Affairs Council’s annual convention, Imam Johari quipped that while Muslims may be un-mosqued they are not “un-Muslim.” In some communities, attendance at the mosque for prayers, lectures, events or weekend school is a kind of litmus test for one’s faith. Those who come more frequently are often assumed to be more pious and to have stronger faith than those that come infrequently.

It’s not only women who have grown dissatisfied with the general attitude of non-concern, which permeates many Muslim communities whereby more than half of mosques in North America relegate women to basements, penalty boxes, balconies, partitions, and other substandard accommodation in addition to excluding their meaningful participation in the affairs of the community. Professor Jeffrey Lang, recounts in a three-part video lecture his personal and devastating experience with his own daughters as they gradually became un-mosqued. Unable to find a place to nurture their faith in the man-cave of the mosque, which never welcomed them, many women have grown accustomed to developing and practicing their faith outside of the mosque without a sense of greater community. Again, a victory for those who emptily parrot the hadith that the salah of a woman receives more reward in her home as though that can capture the full range of meaningful experience of vital importance to cultivate and strengthen one’s faith.

Why do we seek to engage in our communities through the mosque? The reasons are many and includes so much more than just the multiplication of reward for engaging in salah. The mosque is not only a place to pray but also a community gathering space. Yes, when out and about and in need of a place to pray, I delight in praying comfortably in a mosque. The mosque is also a place to see the diversity of Islam’s adherents and meet other like-minded Muslims, I think I’ve met the majority of my friends either at the mosque or through mosque-led events. Being in community and interacting with others with its attendant joys and bearing its harms is a way to put one’s faith into practice. Getting up in the early pre-dawn hours, day after day, to pray fajr and other salah in the mosque teaches you discipline and time management, standing next to a fellow Muslim in prayer inculcates the beautiful manners of Islam including patience, gentleness, humility, forgiveness, and a concern for others, and breaking fast together or performing other communal worship strengthens one’s own faith, deepens the ties of connection, and fosters a sense of real community.

So the loss of the mosque in one’s life is acutely painful. Practicing one’s faith alone can be lonely. It’s profoundly disheartening to experience the disconnect between the theoretical Islam where Muslims happily recount the list of Muslim-first achievements (women having the right to own property and inherit, to keep their own names, to whatever) and the repeated use the easy hijab and gender stereotypes, while the ugly reality of inequity and belittlement, which is experienced by so many simply on account of their gender exacts a heavy toll on one’s faith. Those that bear witness to such inequity mainly do so with either silent acquiescence or protest. I’ve tried the former and am increasingly convinced the latter is better. Protest can take many forms chief among them is the prayer coupled with action.

Pray in Protest

Moving out from behind the partition and penalty box, the basement and classroom, and the balcony and other inferior disconnected spaces, I’ve decided to write and continue to highlight the words of other strong and eloquent writers on the issue of women’s prayer space and community inclusion, here and here, which continue to generate much discussion. In addition, I’ve started a photoblog to highlight prayer spaces around the world. Recently, after publishing pictures and my own reflections of the experience at a local mosque, a board member at that mosque responded in the comments excusing the substandard accommodation and promising reforms and improvements in the near future. A small but important victory of sorts.

Among the beneficial aspects of highlighting the issues surrounding women’s prayer space and inclusion within the Muslim community has been to find a community of Muslims around the world who have been struggling for improvements for years and increased awareness and attention paid to these issues by Muslim writers, activists, and imams. In the last year, Suhaib Webb, Imam Johari Abdul-Malik, and Yasir Qadhi have been speaking out against the shameful ways women are treated in our community, of which one aspect manifests in poor accommodation in mosques.

The decision to leave the mosque behind in search of a safe place to nurture one’s faith is not taken lightly by one deeply connected to the mosque and Muslim community. But for some Muslims, it’s a retreat that is needed in order to hold onto both faith and sanity. We may be leaving the mosque behind but we’re not leaving our faith, at least not most of us. As for me, I’m not willing to give up on my faith or the Muslim community or the mosque and so I will continue to utilize my energy to improve the situation and continue to pray in protest.



Fear Has Been Defeated – There’s No Turing Back

Yalla, Egypt! Well done, much love, prayer, and support, may the future be blessed for you and for us. I’m so happy for Egypt, could hardly contain my joy as I sat at my desk Friday morning and saw the news on my phone in my email and on Twitter that Hosni Mubarak had resigned. My colleagues many still celebrating the Super Bowl were largely oblivious to my joy and to the news of the year thus far. Thursday was so disappointing so the news on Friday came as such as surprise and welcome revelation.

AC360 Reporter’s Notebook: Fear Has Been Defeated. While Anderson Cooper was being punched repeatedly in the mayhem that engulfed Cairo’s Tahrir Square (loved hearing people try to pronounce this all week) he could be heard trying to calm the crowd saying, “insha’Allah” (God willing) but he later explained that he had meant to say “salam,” which means peace.

There are so many lessons for us in the recent revolutions in Tunisia and Egypt and from revolutions throughout history. One cannot help but be inspired by the revolutionary spirit of fearlessness, pride, honor, strength and determination on display in the scenes from Tahrir Square and elsewhere. Fear has been defeated, there’s no turning back.

While I’m not in Egypt, fear is also being defeated daily in my own life, there is no turning back. I’ve lived far too many years in fear, fear of different things, both internal and external. Fear has been used to keep us in check and undoubtedly some fear can be beneficial.

Help Keep Fear Alive

I remember once shortly after I converted, I stayed up quite late into the night, which was not at all unusual, engrossed in reading and learning about my newfound religion. Either I forgot to set my alarm or did not hear it, and I woke up for the first time in a state of complete fear and panic in brightness of the morning and quickly rushed to make my ablutions so that I could offer my fajr early morning prayer. I prayed hurriedly and then checked the time and saw to my amazement that I had not missed the salah and was still within the timing before sunrise. I did not feel relieved, I had cried while making my ablution and while praying and even after I completed the prayer fearful of the consequences of missing a single salah in Islam.

At that time, I remembered a hadith where the companions had overslept for a prayer and they looked upward toward the heavens fearful that destruction might rain down upon them for this singular act of disobedience and I too fearfully looked upward. Thankfully, Allah is Most Merciful and I didn’t miss that salah and Allah has made it easy for me to guard the prayer since then, masha’Allah tabarak’Allah. May we be from amongst those who guard the salah in our lives. Ameen.

On a personal note, I long ago realized that the salah is challenging for many, may Allah make it easy for all of us, however if you don’t pray, please don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to know because it’s something very hard upon me to hear from anyone. I was asked to write a post on some tips that have worked in my own life so hopefully I’ll get to that in the near future, insha’Allah. Here, love and hope and fear combine to keep me in check.

Haterade Brigade

Fear has kept me and keeps many people I know from expressing their views openly. Many of the writers on Muslim Matters will tell you that they experience varying levels of anxiety before one of their posts is scheduled to publish or they simply avoid writing about certain issues out of fear of the harm from the commenters. Some nerves and anxiety is to expected but there’s also a fear of the haterade brigade of mostly anonymous, brash and cowardly commenters who it does not suffice them to critique your arguments if they even read but they will quickly move on to personal attacks, character assassinations, and excommunication from the fold of Islam. In response to the heavily biased article from the Muslim Link about PrayinProtests, one commenter opined that converts like myself should convert out of Islam. Wow! I didn’t convert to Islam for you and I will not leave it because of you. Fear has been defeated, there’s no turning back.

Behind the text, each writer is a human being with feelings and emotions, and no matter how thick your skin is, some of the comments may cause harm. I’ve worked hard to try and develop a thick skin and it has served me well in discussions and debates. Try to think well of human beings in general even your critics, accept their criticism when valid, don’t take everything personally, and try to return their harm with good. It’s hard work and some idiots can and should quite rightly be met with an equal level of contempt and derision.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has many statements counseling us to good. “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent” and “The believer is not a person who hurts others with words, or curses, or swears, or is foul-mouthed” and “Indeed, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness, and gives due to gentleness that which He does not give due to harshness” and so many more. Also there is a statement from someone perhaps a hadith or from Imam Malik that if someone tries to find fault with you in a characteristic which you do not possess then do not find fault with him in a characteristic that he does possess. Very tough, who can do this? It’s almost second nature for some of us to begin looking for faults in the other person, may Allah protect us. Continue reading

The Importance of Building Communityhood

Had the joy this past Friday of attending a 23 minute khutbah with another 5 minutes for the salah. Joy because it was short, sweet, full of beneficial reminders, and stayed on point. The guest lecturer was from the American International University in Alexandria, VA and afterward there was a fundraising effort for this project.


Importance of Brotherhood & Community (without salah)

Weekly Thoughts

Ali Asad Chandia Re-Sentencing

I went to the re-sentencing hearing for Ali Asad Chandia last week, hope to write a bit more about it at some point. The judge was hostile, which is unsurprising considering that an appeals court has now twice ruled that the “terrorism enhancement” used in the original sentencing was not warranted. The defense was largely successful in having portions of the pre-sentencing report amended. Sentencing is now scheduled for Friday March 11th, 2011 at the Federal District Courthouse in Alexandria, VA. On a happier note, the courtroom was filled to capacity with Muslims and some had to wait outside.

Met some familiar faces including a lawyer that had helped Chandia’s defense attorney at trial. His trial and conviction played a pivotal role in her decision to leave her law career behind and go into nursing. After the paintball trials including this one, I wanted to do something constructive, I remember walking back to the car or metro one day telling a friend that I wanted to go into law to do something to help. But the law is so rarely about justice and so I’ve also gone into nursing and psychology.

Protests in Egypt

Love it. Yalla, Egypt! Following up on the use your mind post, which was written in response to those who labeled the Tunisia uprising and indeed any protest as un-Islamic and not sanctioned by the religion, this week learned Muslims chimed in with varying degrees of support for the protestors here, here, herehere, and here, and many more. Also validates, my Pray-In activities.

Mona Eltahawy is doing a journalistic uprising in support of the Egyptian protestors, she’s been passionate, eloquent, and on point all week, here delightfully putting those who raise the specter of the Muslim brotherhood bogey-man in their place. We often hear those with strong claims to orthodoxy decrying their misrepresentation in the media or by the wider public, however Muslim organizations and spokespeople would do well to take some lessons from the more media-savvy progressives like Mona and Asra. I like Imam Magid and his progressive (in the conservative sense of the word) outlook, yet his English leaves something to be desired and as the President of ISNA, it’s critical to have leaders and spokespeople in America that can relate to an American audience. It’s not fair, an American can be someone from anywhere with any type of accent, yet the reality dictates that only certain accents are deemed palatable to majority of American ears.

The massive snowstorm that wasn’t

Well, at least not for us here in Washington DC region, nothing much happened. Thank you, God!

Ify on Twitter?

Maybe. I’ve been thinking about joining the Twitter revolution. I’m intrigued by it and like the character limit, which forces me to condense my thoughts. I also resisted blogs and Facebook but once I got into it, loved it.

Poor Muslimapple

My old url has been co-opted and turned into a outlet for the porn industry. Sad. Had I known I would have kept you.